Have you ever felt that something about you just isn’t quite right? Do you find yourself reacting strongly to certain people, places, or experiences in ways that you don’t quite understand? You might wonder if something happened in your past that makes you feel this way, perhaps even asking yourself, "Why can't I remember my childhood?". It's possible that you may be experiencing the effects of repressed childhood trauma.
Experiencing trauma during childhood can be difficult for your developing brain to comprehend. Sometimes, as a coping mechanism, your brain may push the memory down into your unconscious to help you continue living your life. This isn’t a conscious decision, but rather your brain's way of helping you survive and attempt to thrive. However, this repressed trauma can still cause issues without you even realizing why.
Childhood Trauma and Memory Loss
To further understand what causes this and why it happens, you need to know ACEs. Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) are traumatic events that occur before you reach adulthood. There are 10 ACEs, and each can negatively impact your ability to function as an adult if not properly addressed.
The 10 ACEs are:
Physical abuse
Verbal abuse
Sexual abuse
Physical neglect
Emotional neglect
Having a parent(s) with alcohol addiction
Witnessing domestic abuse
Having a family member(s) with mental illness
Experiencing the death of a loved one
Missing a parent either through divorce, abandonment, or prison
These traumas can impact your brain’s ability to form memories. This could be due to a physical impact on your brain or your brain’s attempt to cope with the emotional and psychological impact of the trauma. In some cases, you might develop dissociative amnesia or infantile amnesia, where you're unable to remember critical autobiographical information. Whether mild or severe, dissociative amnesia can impact all aspects of your life.
Experts sometimes classify repressed memories from childhood trauma as a type of dissociation, where you're separating yourself from your past as a coping mechanism. Others refer to it as a way for your brain to protect you from the horrors of your childhood experiences.
How Childhood Trauma May Impact Adults
The impact of childhood trauma on your life as an adult can depend on several factors, including the environment in which you were raised, how you coped with the trauma, the support systems available to you, and when the trauma occurred. To assess the risk of developing mental illness, addiction, and other conditions, it is now common to inquire about past traumatic events using measures like the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experience) questionnaire.
A higher ACE score is correlated with a greater likelihood of experiencing negative physical or mental health outcomes. Studies also suggest that early trauma affects your stress response. Your fight-or-flight response and neurodevelopment can be thrown off track. This highlights the importance of early intervention when someone experiences a traumatic event in childhood, as it can have a significant lasting impact on their life. The earlier the intervention, the greater the chance that treatment can help, especially for trauma experienced early in childhood. When a person develops behaviors to deal with early childhood trauma, changing those habits later in life can be more challenging.
The Unseen Effects of Childhood Trauma
Children are still developing, and their brains continue to develop until around the age of 25. Because of this, experiencing a traumatic event or living through prolonged trauma can cause a child’s brain to develop differently than it normally would. Children who experience ACEs and traumatic events in their childhood might experience a range of side effects, including difficulty forming relationships, depression, anxiety, a higher risk of substance abuse, and a higher risk of suicide attempts. The impacts of childhood trauma don’t disappear when the child reaches adulthood. Adults who experience childhood trauma are more likely to have health and social difficulties.
8 Signs of Repressed Childhood Trauma in Adults
Identifying repressed childhood trauma can be tricky because many of the signs overlap with other mental health concerns. However, some signs are more unique. For instance:
Strong Unexplained Reactions to Specific People
Have you ever met someone and immediately felt "off" about them? This feeling may be a sign of repressed childhood trauma. Your mind and body might be warning you that the person isn’t safe, even if you don’t consciously know them. As a result, you may feel your body shift into a more protective stance, or you may have a strong desire to leave the situation, without understanding why. This reaction may occur because that person reminds you of someone who caused you trauma in the past.
Lack of Ease in Certain Places
Places can also induce feelings of stress, fear, and anxiety if you're repressing memories of childhood trauma. When you first experience the trauma, your brain may take note of everything - the colors, smells, and sounds. Being back at that place or in a place similar to where your repressed childhood memories occurred may trigger that fear deep within you and cause you to go into fight-or-flight mode.
Extreme Emotional Shifts
Controlling emotions can be difficult, especially for those suffering from repressed childhood memories. If you have unaddressed ACEs, you may find that you are extremely upset by the everyday actions of others. You might quickly go from relaxed and at ease to filled with anger or fear because of something seemingly small. Often, this change occurs because that seemingly small thing subconsciously reminds you of some aspect of your repressed childhood trauma.
Attachment Issues
Many ACEs can cause an intense fear of abandonment. Attachment issues can result from developmental disruptions caused by traumatic experiences. You may find yourself becoming intensely attached to other people and feeling upset or highly emotional about them leaving. Even if it's just your partner leaving for an evening out or your friend going out of town, it can cause intense anxiety and fear.
Anxiety
Many people experience anxiety throughout their lives. However, those who have repressed childhood memories may experience more anxiety than others. As you start uncovering your repressed trauma, you’ll be able to reveal how your anxiety is tied to your traumatic experiences.
Childish Reactions
Occasional moments of immaturity and childish outbursts are typical. However, frequent regressions into a child-like state may indicate that you're coping with adverse experiences. These reactions may be a sign that you’re dealing with repressed childhood memories and may manifest as tantrums, speaking in a child-like voice, or being stubborn about small things.
Consistent Exhaustion
You only have so much mental and emotional energy each day. If you are repressing traumatic childhood memories, you subconsciously spend much of your energy on that. This exhaustion can rob you of the energy you need to build and form new relationships and make it difficult to connect with others.
Unable to Cope in Normal Stressful Situations
Life comes with constant stressors that are part of a typical adult experience. However, people with repressed childhood trauma may find themselves unable to cope with these everyday events, often lashing out or withdrawing. You might lash out at others in a childish manner or throw tantrums when things don’t go your way, regressing to the state you were in during the trauma and trying to protect yourself.
Additional Signs of Repressed Childhood Trauma
Beyond the eight signs mentioned above, other indicators can suggest repressed childhood trauma:
Low Self-Esteem: This can manifest as a negative view of oneself, feeling unworthy or unlovable, and lacking confidence. These feelings often result from shame and worthlessness developed in childhood due to experiences like abuse, neglect, or witnessing violence.
Hypervigilance: This involves being constantly on guard and unable to relax.
Difficulty Trusting Others: You might find it hard to open up to other people.
Physical Complaints: You may experience chronic or recurrent physical complaints, such as headaches or stomachaches.
Long-Term Health Consequences
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study, a longitudinal study with over 17,000 participants, explored the long-lasting impact of childhood trauma into adulthood. The study revealed that nearly 64% of participants experienced at least one ACE, and 69% of those reported two or more incidents of childhood trauma. The results demonstrated a connection between childhood trauma exposure, high-risk behaviors (e.g., smoking, heavy drinking, unprotected sex), chronic illnesses such as heart disease and cancer, and early death.
Childhood adversity can have lasting effects on stress hormones, inflammation, brain development, and gene regulation. People who have more traumatic experiences are more likely as adults to have heart disease and other health problems. Follow-up studies have confirmed these findings and found links to other conditions, including type 2 diabetes and autoimmune disorders. Recent work has shown that ACEs can start to affect health even in childhood, increasing risks for asthma, cognitive delays, hormone imbalances, sleep disturbances, obesity, and frequent infections.
Coping Mechanisms Developed During Trauma
Children whose families and homes don’t provide consistent safety, comfort, and protection may develop coping mechanisms to survive and function. For instance, they may become overly sensitive to the moods of others, constantly watching to figure out how the adults around them are feeling and how they will behave. They may withhold their own emotions, become people-pleasers, and never let others see when they are afraid, sad, or angry. These adaptations make sense when physical and/or emotional threats are ever-present. However, as a child grows up and encounters safe situations and relationships, these adaptations are no longer helpful and may interfere with their capacity to live, love, and be loved.
Healing and Recovery
If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, it’s essential to remember that healing is possible. Here are some steps you can take:
Seek Professional Help: A therapist or counselor specializing in trauma can help you process repressed memories and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Practice Self-Care: Engage in activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature.
Build a Support System: Connect with trusted friends, family members, or support groups.
Educate Yourself: Learn more about childhood trauma and its effects to better understand your experiences.
Be Patient and Kind to Yourself: Healing from trauma takes time, so be gentle with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way.
The Importance of Early Intervention
Early intervention is crucial in mitigating the long-term effects of childhood trauma. By addressing traumatic experiences as they occur, you can help yourself and even other children to develop healthy coping mechanisms and prevent the development of repressed memories.
Creating safe, supportive environments for children and providing access to mental health resources can make a significant difference in their lives.
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